Old Habits Die Hard
by MissLizzyJ
Summary: Return to Dodge shouldn't have ended with Matt riding away, leaving Kitty alone and crying. An after-the-credits story that attempts to do better.
1. Part 1

A/N I think there are a ton of us who found RTD disappointing, both in the general storyline and specifically with regard to the end. The apparent ending of Matt and Kitty's story at the window of the Dodge House is not the way many of us wanted it. While this story doesn't fix the entire movie (that's another story for some far off someday) I hope with this story to pick up where the movie left off and offer a more satisfying ending for our favorite couple, particularly for our beloved Miss Kitty. I'll apologize in advance for any errors I may have made in reference to the original movie, since I last watched it several months ago and I wasn't inclined to re-watch this soon.

Old Habits Die Hard

ATC for Return to Dodge

Kitty Russell stood at the broken out window in the front room of the Dodge House, oblivious to the chill that settled around her. Oblivious to the crowd of people gathered on Front Street, oblivious to Mannon's body sprawled out on the ground. Oblivious to everything but the sight of Matt Dillon once again walking away from the scene of death he'd been forced to participate in. Away from her. Again.

She watched until she could no longer see him and then, finding that too painful, she leaned her head against the window frame and closed her eyes. She hadn't the strength to hold back the tears any longer, but she wasn't about to let anyone hear her cry.

_All the way from New Orleans. _She'd come all the way from New Orleans expecting to pay her last respects to the man who'd been the biggest part of her life for nearly twenty years, not to have him walk away from her. Twice. The first time was out of his sense of duty, going after his friend Jake Flagg. The second, out of what it cost him to defend her from Mannon. She'd seen it in his face when he'd looked up at her before turning away. Anger that someone had forced his hand again, along with guilt that they'd used her to do it. _It wasn't fair. _Kitty didn't ordinarily give in to self-pity, but just now she was too worn out to fight it. It _wasn't _fair. They deserved better.

Kitty was lost in her thoughts and didn't hear the familiar steps walk into the room behind her.

"Kitty."

Kitty squeezed her eyes shut tighter. _He came back. Why?_ She fought the impulse to turn around and face him, or answer. If she spoke right now, or looked at him, she would cry, and she couldn't let that happen.

"Kitty," Matt repeated. "I had to...go off for a little while...after. You know how I need to do that sometimes."

_Did she ever._ How many times had she longed to comfort him and waited until he was ready to be comforted? She still couldn't answer, but nodded her head almost imperceptibly.

Did she nod her head a little, or did he just imagine it? It was the barest acknowledgment, so he continued. "But then I got to thinking about how it looked. What you'd think, and I couldn't do that to you. You deserve-"

"A goodbye?" Kitty whispered, her throat tight. Her voice shook a little at the end, but she managed to keep from bursting into tears or shouting "Spare me!" How could she? After all, she was the one who'd left all those years ago. They both had some responsibility here.

Goodbye wasn't quite what Matt had had in mind when he decided to come back, but he didn't correct her. His main intention had been to offer her some comfort; beyond that, he wasn't sure what he expected or wanted to happen. In the meantime, he didn't dare give her, or himself, false hope that there would be anything more. "Can we go somewhere and talk?"

Silence. He decided to take another tack.

"You'll catch your death in here with that open window. Can I take you back to the Long Branch?"

Kitty considered standing there awhile and making him suffer, but they were too old to play that game. She still loved him, damn it. Even if nothing more came of this than one last goodbye, she'd risk any kind of heartache to feel his arms around her one more time. She nodded, for real this time.

Matt took off his deerskin jacket and wrapped it around her. Placing his big hands on her shoulders, he gently turned her around. She still couldn't look at him, but he looked at her, and his stomach tightened when he saw her face. He cradled her face in his hand, but didn't try to force her to meet his eyes. "He do that?"

"Who else?" Kitty said lightly, shrugging.

_The bastard was lucky he was already dead._ Matt grasped her tightly by the upper arms and pulled her closer. "What else did he do?" he demanded tersely. He was surprised to see real fear in her eyes as she flinched and pulled away slightly. "I'm sorry, honey," his voice cracked as he said it. He relaxed his hands but didn't let go. "I just can't stand to see you that way. Did he...do...anything else?"

"I don't want to talk about him right now, Matt." Kitty could feel the tears welling up and threatening to make their escape again.

"It's all right Kitty, you don't have to tell me if you don't want to." Matt felt his gut tighten. He knew what Mannon had done to her the last time, and after being in territorial prison for the last dozen years, he was no doubt capable of even worse. He'd just gotten his answer.

Kitty intended to tell him what went on between her and Mannon while they waited for Matt to get back to Dodge, but she wasn't ready to talk about it just yet. She allowed Matt to put his arm around her and lead her out of the room where Mannon had spent his last days. He pulled her closer and held her securely as they walked down the stairs of the Dodge House together and when they reached the bottom she rested her head against his chest and wrapped her arm around his waist. Hannah had drawn some of the crowd away with an offer of free drinks, but the small crowd that was still gathered in front of the hotel parted respectfully as they walked outside, and watched the pair in silence as they made their way across Front Street to the Long Branch.

TBC


	2. Part 2

Part 2

The batwing doors swung open and Hannah and the small group of patrons looked up to see Matt Dillon and Kitty Russell walk in with their arms around each other. Kitty looked frail and shaky as she leaned against Matt for support. Without looking at anyone, then two went directly to the stairs and slowly climbed. The occupants of the saloon watched silently as they disappeared beyond the curtained doorway. Before anyone could say a word, Hannah glared at each table in turn, silently letting them know that the topic of the former marshal and his woman was to be off limits.

Upstairs, Matt closed the door behind them and they stood in the middle of the room facing each other wordlessly. Kitty desperately wanted to look away from him. Instead, they stood in each other's gaze until the hurt grew too big. "I'm afraid you're going to have to do all the talking, Cowboy." The name slipped out before she had given herself a chance to decide if she wanted to use it.

Matt pulled his hat from his head and, seeing no hook to hang it on, held it while running his other hand through his hair. "I'm sorry, Kitty," he stammered. "I shouldn't have left without making sure you were all right."

"That's what you wanted to talk about?"

"Well, not all, but...well...how bad is it, Kitty? Do you want me to go get the Doc?"

"I said I didn't want to talk about him and I don't need the Doc."

"Uh huh." Matt wandered to the window and looked out over Front Street. It was beginning to fill back up with people starting normal, beginning of the days activities. "I'm sorry, Kitty. You went to New Orleans to get away from all this violence and here you are right back in it."

Kitty shrugged, shaking her head. There was nothing to say to that. Their mere mortality had always been Matt's reason for not making their relationship permanent, and why he had watched her leave Dodge without asking her why.

"Well, then, I guess I'll stop bothering you," he said quietly, looking down at his boots. He could have sworn he'd seen something in her eyes before he'd gone off after Jake Flagg, but Mannon must have given her a reminder of what she was in for if she let him back into her life. He turned toward the door without looking at her, not noticing that she had been looking at him and just realized something.

"Hold it!" she barked at him. "What happened to your arm out there?"

Matt stopped. He'd forgotten the last bullet he'd taken as soon as he'd thrown off the makeshift sling and gone into the Dodge House for Mannon. He turned around slowly, almost sheepishly.

Kitty had to suppress a grin as Matt turned around looking like a little boy caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "It's just a scratch. Nothin' for you to worry about."

Kitty shook her head. It was about thirty years too late for that. "Un uh. You aren't going anywhere until I have a look at it. I'm not going to have you die of infection out there just because you're too stubborn to…." She trailed off, realizing she couldn't say what she'd just been thinking. Matt didn't want to leave anymore than she wanted him to leave. "Now get your shirt off." She shrugged off the buckskin jacket she was still wearing and hung it on the back of a chair.

Matt slowly unbuttoned the shirt and hung it over the same chair. "Sit down," she ordered, going over to the pot belly stove in the corner. Luckily, there was a kettle sitting on it, and the water was hot. Hannah liked to make herself a cup of tea whenever she went to her room, and extended Kitty the same courtesy, even though she wasn't a tea drinker. She found a basin and reached for the kettle to pour some hot water.

"Don't you want to have a look at it before you get all your doctoring ready?"

"Do you mean to tell me you took the time to seek medical care at _any_ point between getting that wound and turning around and coming back here?" she retorted, giving him a scathing look. She turned back to the water. Her hand shook as she lifted the kettle and she braced her arm with her other hand, hoping to keep Matt from noticing.

"Kitty-" He approached her. Of _course_ he had noticed.

"Sit down, I said!" If he came any closer, if he touched her, she would be a mess.

"Let me carry that." Matt lifted the basin and took it to the table, setting it down next to his hat. Kitty stood at the stove long enough to compose herself before she went to Matt, finally sitting at the table as she'd instructed.

"All right, let's have a look," she murmured, much like Doc would have. "Matt Dillon! The underwear, too!"

Feeling once again like a little kid, but somehow not minding a bit, Matt complied, unbuttoning the front of his union suit far enough to slip his arm out of the sleeve. Kitty looked at the crease on his arm without touching him. Surprisingly, it didn't look nearly as bad as she'd feared it would. The wound itself was an angry red and would be for some time, but there was no sign of infection in the flesh surrounding it. Still, after making such an issue of it, she would take care of him one last time, if he was still determined to go. Her hand shook again as she dipped a towel into the hot water, wrung it out, and started gently cleaning the arm around his wound. She felt herself begin to tear up as she thought of so many times Doc had taken bullets from Matt and patched him up, often with only her to assist him. She dropped the towel back in the bowl and bowed her head, finally letting the tears flow freely.

"Kitty." Matt took her hand. "It's not that bad. You can see that."

Kitty nodded and clenched a fist against her mouth, trying to contain herself.

"All right," Matt said, as if he suddenly understood. He put his arms around her, drawing her onto his lap. "It's all right, honey," he whispered, patting her back helplessly. "It's all right."

TBC


	3. Part 3

Part 3

Tears finally spent, Kitty took the handkerchief Matt offered her and wiped her eyes. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"I'm the one who should be sorry," he responded.

Wordlessly, she untangled herself from his arms and stood before him, unbuttoning her jacket. When she had removed the jacket she unbuttoned the blouse underneath and slid it off her shoulders.

"Kitty, what are you doing?"

"You wanted to know what else Mannon did to me."

She knew it would hurt Matt immensely to see the bruises on her arms, neck and collar bone, but whether he needed to see them or not, she needed to show him. When she left Dodge all those years ago, it had not simply been because she couldn't see him lying in the street with someone's bullet in him, as she had told him. That had been true enough, but there was more to it. She had begun to doubt her ability to hold it together if it happened again. It had become more and more difficult to be strong for Matt, much less herself and she feared she would break down completely the next time. If she had to see him die, she'd take her own life, and she wouldn't do that to Doc. In the last couple of years she was in Dodge, he had aged terribly, most particularly after she'd been shot and worse by Jude Bonner. As much as she still loved Matt, she was no longer able to protect him from the worst of her injuries. She'd left Dodge vowing never to return unless it was for his funeral. Now, she finished removing her blouse and stood in her underthings from the waist up. It would not be necessary to take anything else off.

"I knew it!" Matt said bitterly. "He-"

Kitty shook her head, interrupting him. "He didn't rape me, Matt. What he did was almost worse."

"What do you mean, worse?" In Matt's mind, nothing could be worse, except death.

"He was waiting on you." Kitty laughed humorlessly. "When you got back here he was going to make you watch while he forced himself on me, and when he got tired of me, he was going to kill us both."

"Kitty, I'm sorry you got put in the middle of this again. See, this is why-"

Kitty waved her hand. "Un uh. Save it. Let me tell you something. When he showed up at the Long Branch that first night, he said he'd missed me in New Orleans. So he knew where I was, or found out pretty quick. He was pretty clear all along that he blamed us both for his prison sentence. Back then, he attacked me, as he put it, to cut me down to size. Taking the marshal's woman was just something extra for him. So it was never completely about you, Matt, and you needn't blame yourself." She left out the part about the way she'd humiliated him afterward, as she'd never told him, and didn't want to try to explain now. "As for not marrying me in order to protect me, well, I'm sure you figured out at some point that you were only protecting me from being a widow. You weren't protecting me from losing you." _And that's how you lost me,_ she said with her eyes.

Matt looked away. "Kitty, I'm sorry I didn't do right by you." He stood and slipped his arms into the sleeves of his shirt. Turning toward the door, he reached for his coat and hat. "I'm going to go find a room and get a few hours sleep before I ride out. Then I'll be out of your way."

The love of her life was about to walk out the door. Was she really going to let him leave? He had his hand on the door when she decided she couldn't let things end that way.

"Matt, wait!" she cried out.

TBC

A/N Return to Dodge, the movie, gave the viewer somewhat of a cop-out as to Kitty's reason for leaving. My take here is just an expansion of that idea and no disrespect is meant toward Kitty's character. I know many people do not see Kitty as having that reaction to Matt dying; my personal take on it is it depends on the circumstances and what stage of life M/K and their relationship were at. I'm taking Kitty literally when she tells Doc, in Hostage, "I couldn't live without him." That trauma, added to various events in season 19, might well have left Kitty feeling unable to cope with the potential loss, and make the decision that she would leave Matt before he left her permanently.


	4. Part 4

Part 4

Matt stopped and turned around, looking at her hopefully.

Kitty clasped her hands together to keep them from shaking. "There's a perfectly good bed right here," she began. It wasn't the same one they'd shared for all those years, but it was just as big. "And you can sleep as long as you need to. I'll even sleep on the cot in the other room so I don't disturb you."

Matt said nothing, but looked around once again for somewhere to hang his hat, eventually laying it down on the table. He hung his coat back on the chair and unbuckled his gun belt. "You won't disturb me." He smiled shyly, as he'd done when they were young and still getting to know one another. "I always did sleep better next to you," he added, holding his arms out.

Kitty went to him eagerly and wrapped her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. He took in the scent of her hair as they stood together reveling in one another's presence. "I bet I know what'll help you sleep even better," she said finally, looking up at him. Matt grinned back at her suggestively. "Not that!" She flushed slightly, tapping him lightly on his uninjured arm. "I don't think either of us is in any shape right now to…" Not physically, or otherwise, she realized. Much as she wanted to, she wasn't sure it would be a good idea to let things go that far before knowing where they stood. "I was talking about a nice hot bath."

"Sounds great." Matt looked both disappointed and relieved. "But I don't want you to go to any trouble, Kitty."

"It's no trouble at all, Matt. _Really_. I know it looks like Hannah hasn't changed the place much since she bought it, but she's invested a lot in the upkeep of the building. Plumbing, mostly. That tub in there has hot and cold running water, and there's even a flush toilet."

"What's that?" Matt asked, not really interested.

"You'll see." Matt followed her into the washroom, where he watched as she turned brass knobs, adjusting until the water temperature was to her liking. She left the room and he looked around at the updated room while the porcelain bathtub filled with water. There was a sink with fixtures similar to those on the tub, and an apparatus that had to be the flush toilet, its appearance giving him a general idea as to its purpose. Kitty reappeared in the doorway and confirmed his conclusion, briefly explaining how to operate the flushing mechanism.

"I think this is everything you'll need," she said, placing the items she'd brought in onto a small table next to the tub. A comb and a new cake of unscented soap sat atop two towels and a washcloth, and he looked at her in surprise when he saw what was underneath the towels.

"Do you mean to tell me that Hannah had a set of my underwear lying around somewhere?" He motioned to the union suit at the bottom of the pile.

Kitty laughed softly, shaking her head. "No...you were a little light on luggage when you got into town, so I took the liberty of buying a few things once it looked like you were going to recover enough to use them."

"Kitty, you think of everything." They stood in awkward silence for a moment.

"Well, I'll give you your privacy, then. Let me know if you need anything else." She pulled the door behind her as she went out, leaving it slightly ajar in case he called for her.

Matt pulled off his boots and piled his clothes neatly on the chair in the corner of the room. He saw that the tub was nearly full and twisted the knobs to shut the water off. He decided to avail himself of the toilet before getting into the tub and realized it was an aspect of civilization he could get used to. As for the bathtub, he could well imagine how fond Kitty was of such a convenience. Of course, she was probably used to such luxuries, living in New Orleans for the last dozen years. He settled against the sloped back of the tub, the water beginning to soak out the aches of being out on the trail for weeks at his age.

Kitty had just changed into a nightgown and was brushing out her hair when she heard a soft knock at the door. Hannah was on the other side holding a cloth-covered tray.

"I thought maybe the two of you could use a little breakfast."

"A _little_ breakfast! Hannah, Matt can eat a lot, but that'll feed an army."

"I want you to get enough to eat too." Hannah looked at her with concern. "I don't think you've eaten a good meal since you got to town. Maybe now-" Hannah stopped when she saw the look on Kitty's face. "All right, honey, I'll stop lecturing. You're a big girl and you can take care of yourself."

"Always have." Kitty took the tray and carried it to the table. "I do appreciate it, Hannah, and I wonder if you could do me-us-a favor. Neither of us has had enough sleep lately, so do you think-"

"No one will bother you." Hannah smiled broadly and winked.

Matt rinsed the soap out of his hair, draped the washcloth over the side of the tub, and was drying off when he heard voices in the outer room. "I said _sleep_, Hannah!" Kitty said with a touch of amusement in her voice. The outer door closed and the smell of ham and fried potatoes drifted into the room, reminding Matt that he hadn't eaten much in the last-well, he'd lost track of time completely since Jake had been killed. That's probably about how long it had been since he'd eaten, too. He hurriedly got into his union suit, considered putting the same clothes back on, decided against it, and went out to join Kitty for breakfast. He stopped in the doorway and watched as she set the food out. The silk nightgown she wore had long sleeves and a high neckline, but clung to her in a way that was anything but modest. She had removed all the paint from her face and her hair cascaded down her back. Even with all of her young years behind her, he thought she had never looked lovelier.

Kitty was pouring coffee, and he saw that she had set out two plates, one piled high with food, the other barely half filled. "Looks good, Kitty," he said as he approached the table, "but you're going to have to eat more than that."

"Now, Matt, don't you start that. I already had to hear it from Hannah." She sat in the chair he pulled out for her and waited for him before she took a sip of her coffee.

"Fine," Matt said, rolling his eyes, "but I hope your stomach growling doesn't keep me awake."

"We'll see." Kitty pretended to pout. They ate their meal in comfortable silence. Matt devoured half of his food while watching to see that Kitty was indeed eating. She discovered she was hungrier than she thought, finishing her portions as well as the extra bites Matt sneaked onto her plate when he thought she wasn't looking. Finally, both plates were empty and Kitty tried to suppress a yawn.

Wordlessly, Matt got up and pulled her chair out again, helping her up. He took her arm as though he was walking her back from Delmonico's and they walked to her side of the bed. Matt pulled the quilt back and gave her a chaste kiss on the temple. "Time to get some sleep," he said softly, making sure she was comfortable before covering her with the quilt. He walked around to his side of the bed and laid down, pulling the covers up and lacing his hands together behind his head. He wasn't convinced she still wanted those rules she'd laid down during his recovery from the knife wound, but he was determined to show her he could abide by them.

"Good night, Kitty," he said softly. When she didn't respond, he looked over at her. She had already fallen asleep. Comforted by the slow rhythm of her breathing, soon Matt, too, was sound asleep.

TBC


	5. Part 5

A/N This concludes my little after the credits story-I hope I was able to improve on the original ending. Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed my story. I think I messaged everyone that I could. Thank you also to those of you I couldn't respond to.

Part 5

Dawn had barely pushed its way between the curtains when Kitty awoke with her head nestled against Matt's chest. One arm was curled around her, holding her close to him. The other hand rested on her hip. They had slept all day into the evening, and had found each other in their sleep. Sometime during the night they woke in each others' arms and wordlessly revisited familiar territory and explored changes that had taken place over time. Their need for each other took over with no explanations necessary.

She lay there still and quiet, not wanting to wake him. When he woke he would leave, and the prospect was unbearable. Maybe she should have just let him go the day before; whatever had possessed her to invite him back into her bed? "Morning." Matt's voice broke the stillness. Of course he knew she was awake. He always knew.

"Morning," she said into his chest, afraid to look at him for what she might reveal. "I might have known we'd end up without our clothes on."

"I'm sorry, Kitty." She heard regret and confusion in his voice. "I thought you wanted it."

"I did," she whispered. "I just-it just brought up a lot of memories. A lot of feelings."

"Yeah," Matt said hoarsely. "Me, too."

"Well, I guess-I guess this isn't the worst goodbye we've ever had."

The time passed in agonizing silence until Matt finally broke it by clearing his throat nervously. "You know, Kitty, I was just lying here thinking-I pushed my horse pretty hard the last couple of days. I should probably stay around and give him a rest. Maybe a nice, long rest. He's not getting any younger, ya know."

Her heart gave a leap, but she kept her face buried against him. "Is that a fact?"

"Yep." Matt cursed himself for still not knowing enough about women to be able to tell whether she had caught onto what he was doing.

"Well, I heard a rumor there might be a railroad strike coming up. Might could be I'll be stuck here in Dodge for awhile."

She met him halfway with that complete fabrication. The sultry, teasing tone was back in her voice and Matt silently breathed a sigh of relief.

"Might could be." He lay in silence for a moment. "So, you don't think Hannah would mind if an old lawman and his gal stayed here a spell while they figured a few things out, do you?"

Kitty remembered the look on Hannah's face the day before when she'd asked that they not be disturbed. She had no doubt Hannah would be in favor of this plan. She offered her first genuine smile since she'd come back to Dodge, and love radiated from her eyes the same as it had in all their years together. Reaching for his hand, she entwined her fingers with his. "No, Cowboy, I have a feeling she won't object one bit."

END


End file.
